dream

I dreamt I was at an Irish pub with Gloira and Brooke and became good friends with the owner.  After having a good night there, Gloria, Brooke and I left to go to the beach.  By the time we got there, it was light somehow, and there were swarms of people enjoying the fresh air.  As I was walking and singing with my friends, I saw someone that I'd wondered about, someone charismatic and adventurous, someone I haven't seen since high school; J.L. Gardner!  Of course I was excited to see him, but he was with a deadbeat best friend and a bitchy fat girlfriend, so I contained my enthusiasm.  

Something was quite different about him, he didn't smile as much, didn't run, jump, or play around.  On a country road, I started singing a Franki Valli song, knowing if there was still a trace of the boy he used to be he would join in - no ifs, ands, or buts, he would.  Surely enough, there was still some J.L. in him because we sung together for a bit.  Then, nearing the beach again, he saw his bitchy girlfriend and worried she would be jealous, so I faked that I was doing yoga.  The girlfriend and deadbeat both joined in for some yoga, and I know I saw Kirsten at some point and smiled.  After this odd reconnection, I went home (but was actually at the Dinino's house) and Ted was playing "Waterfalls" by TLC on his computer, saying he "misses his dear seeeester".

Dream

New Dream.  I'm on a traditional, quant to the outside eye tourist village.  First, I can remember being sent to this "fun house" with robot lions and tigers and bears - oh my!  But they looked SO real, and one of the lions was loose and I got freaked out.  Afterwards, I was going back to the huge hotel and I see a giant ceramic (or maybe concrete) bird that fell into the hotel like the planes flew into the world trade center.  I want my camera, and look down and I have an Olympus, so I figure out the functions, take a couple shots, and go in to get mine (which I hope was not destroyed).  The staunch, grumpy mayor is having a meeting, which I ignore but photograph because I dislike him.  Once I get to my floor, I feel uneasy, like there is someone on the roof.  It turns out being a harmless village boy and I learn about his life and meet his beautiful black mother.  They invite me to come to their meeting, which was held in k lab (huh...).  I realize I am the minority as a woman with his mother.  The men there were young and disrepectful towards us.  One man started yelling at the mother and held a knife up to her throat, and her son did nothing.  It was then I knew I needed to love the mother, I sat on her lap holding her face protectively.  Then I got into a fight with the boy who had hurt her.  He went to the dry-erase board and wrote the format for how they speak, which was a diagonal.  As I started to make up, I asked "Then who is speaking during all of the other places?"

Random Pics

Lionel, a painter at Elmwood Manor.
Tulip from out back and a lease.

Hmmmm, projects, housing, work

Earlier Mo said "if I was an animal I would make the sound "workworkworkwork..." and I can relate at this current moment, although I do NOT work as continuously as she does.  

Today I woke up, drank some iced coffee, ran over to Justin's house to rehearse with him and Rory.  Then I stopped by school to get the Minor Authorization form and an Olympus Linear Recorder and a 17-35mm nikon lens.  Upon returning home, I made more coffee (so I could have some hot, and the rest to be iced) and emailed the advisers (that I need authorization from for my Spanish minor).  Showered while listening to the Aaliyah pandora station, then N.A.S.A. radio...

I called a couple apartments, and ended up calling the same person that I cancelled an appointment with earlier (Brooke and Gloria were busy)... OOPS!  She ended up commending me on my management ability and we rescheduled for tomorrow at 4:30.

Before I knew it, it was time to race to U of R to start the documentary project on "Madison".  I find U of R a very interesting place, but not as interesting as dear Madison.  I'm excited about stalking her for my project and believe that her story covers a universal emotion, although I can't quite put my finger on it yet.

While walking from the outer parking lot to building 7 I ran into the PJ department hear William Snyder and got a signature for my Minor (what good timing as he's leaving for Indiana today).  Now, I'm in the lab eating chocolate and pistachios.

AHHHHHHH! I DRANK TOO MUCH COFFEE!

Editorial: Engstrom

A couple of pictures from my last assignment and the article to go along with it...

Professor Timothy Engstrom

                  “Once you meet Professor Engstrom, you can’t forget him,” RIT photography student Kirsten Thorson recalls, “he’s engaging, remembers your name, and is what you would hope every Professor would be.”  One wouldn’t expect such praises from a student of the College of Imaging Arts and Sciences, as Engstrom is a Philosophy professor, yet Timothy Engstrom is a Professor that has cross-disciplinary interest.  He has written the article From Text to Image: The Challenge of Visual Technologies to the Teaching of Philosophy and teaches the course The Philosophy of Film currently.  Upon meeting him, students generally feel challenged and interested in learning more, as his variety of life experiences prove him to be most curious.

 

                  Engstrom has had a plethora of learning opportunities that have lead him to Rochester Institute of Technology.  He grew up in upstate New York, and attended St. Lawrence, a small liberal art school he classified as “preppy and private—too narrow but solid.”  While attending St. Lawrence, Engstom skied competitively, a hobby he still enjoys today.  After his undergraduate degree, he followed his romantic ideals to Sweden, where his father was raised.  He enjoyed the liberal, socially conscious environment, and got in touch with his family’s roots.  From that point he studied in Britain, Germany, and Scotland, where he earned his PHD. 

 

                  A decade spent in Europe was enough for Engstrom to feel the pull back to the United States. First, he taught at the University of Hawaii, but realized that he felt even farther away from home than he had been in Europe, “I couldn’t stay there permanently—I had aging parents, and I couldn’t afford any property or space there with a teaching salary.” He also felt that another white man in there culture was not what the Hawaiians needed, illustrating his deep understanding of cultural and historical issues.

 

                  After receiving a teaching position at RIT in 1988, he has gone on to inspire a wide variety of people.  One particular accomplishment involved collaborating with a friend Wade L. Robison to make the book Health Care Reform (Ethics and Politics) that was inspired after the Clinton Administration.  Going over questions such as why it failed delved into the heart of deeper obligations and ethical underpinnings, Engstrom believes.  Even now, with the Obama administration, he is still drawing attention from medical societies, faith organizations, and others for guidance and discussion.  Ultimately, he hopes that all constituencies get involved in their political system.

 

                  Personally, my interest in Professor Engstrom was spurred by the question “how does this man maintain such a lively and inspiring existence?”  From meeting with him and watching the time he pours into his students’ work, I realized that his existence is multi-faceted and that not one answer can be expressed from such a vague question.  “I love ideas, I love reading and writing about ideas, and I am in a discipline where you take ideas seriously,” he succinctly sums up his career and livelihood.  Such a person will likely continue to work and explore new paradigms of reason in this world that is relative to each individual. 

Same feeling upon waking up as last.  I almost immediately forgot my dream, slipping into reality, but I knew my last dream was worth remembering.  And so it was.

The first parts are still blurry, but I do remember that there was an intense hurricane, and I was in a car coming back from a meeting of sorts.  I'd never experienced this, so I was skeptical of the reality of the occasion.  Then I noticed it was harder to keep driving against the pull of the wind.  When my car could go no farther, I ended up befriending a giant gorilla who carried me in his mouth to safety (I also was in a whale mouth at some point).  After the hurricane was over, a tiny pretty reporter came to interview my giant gorilla.  He was super hungry and the world was chaotic, so I warned the lady "he doesn't like you, if you don't leave he'll eat you."  Instead of leaving though she stayed and I think my gorilla friend ate her.

Dream

The last thing I feel is this lighter than air, soaked in atmosphere connected, floating sensation. I'm part of the world.  I've felt this before waking up, but haven't remembered.

Anyhow, my dream:  David and Ted called me over to talk about photographing a soccer game.  I grabbed an sb800 and was about to run out into the field, nothing holding me back, but they held me back.  Then I realize it's more of an interview, and there are at least 7 other photographers waiting there (including Tumia and Brandon from last year).  I end up leading them in the general conscensus that now is as good a time as amy to hire (they wanted to wait until after college).  And that we're all so different, and my strengths could be this photographer's weakness and vise versa.  Then, I realized I was in front of an elevator and saw a sequence of people through the window in the elevator.  I felt restrained, like I wanted to repect the people and not photograph them, yet I saw a child in a chicken suit and thought "awe, hell, better get it."  It was ironic but also a bit disturbing to see that.  Then the child grew so that he was as tall as his parent.

A Little Better

I love it when a day circles around a 360.  In the morning, going in to turn in my drawing, I ran into Tumia (beautiful middle-aged black woman PJ student) and her friend Aaron (only I didn't know his name at the time).  We had a fun talk about tattoos and becoming yourself over time.  Being around Tumia reminds me of the happy and hilarious people at the Guild, and I felt good.  As I was leaving though, Aaron was all "are you even going to introduce us?"  and I knew she didn't know my name yet.  "Nice cager," she said slightly avoiding eye contact.  I wasn't offended in the least, but it actually made me a bit happier (it happens to me too).  Then I went on to try and figure out Aaron's name.  I got the A right miraculously, and ended up guessing Andrew, Alex, Adam, and then (frustrated) I just spat out "Ajax?"  

After the meeting with Andrew at WITR and a conversation with Robert about my editorial assignment, I saw them in front of the Eastman Kodak Quad.  Full circles are wonderful - infinity, ouroboros, whatever.  Then we laughed a bit more and then I met up with my girl and future roommate Glor-bear.

Yes, this is Gloria's ironic "save electricity" torso!
Chugging coffee creamers.  Oh yeah!!!  Gloria used to do that as a child, so we did a shot of the creme for the hell of it.

I wanted to pay for dinner SO MUCH because Gloria deserves it (she paid for mine awhile ago), but lost that damn credit card, so I wanted to go to an atm and get money.  Go figure my other means of getting cash is defunct as well.  Kind of funny, now I'm screwed.  Gloria's such an amazing friend she even offered to lend me money, but I declined - even if it's not a lot of money, mixing friends and money is complicated.  

Going to shoot Breaker Rob Heffner for my editorial back-up.  He's laid off, so maybe I could even illustrate that trend.
Had to meet with Andrew for Member at Large training for WITR.  I can't wait to not be training with him; he's not bad but he's bad at remembering or caring about people, thinks he's really smart (maybe he is, but I hate the pretentious vibe - damn electrical engineers), and makes me uncomfortable ("do you shoot nude models?").
After H and  A review, John Skinner getting his bike while Brooke walks in front of me.

Wasting Time

I've thought it through, and I think my best Plan of Attack this morning is this:

Stay in the apartment until 11:20, then make it for the last part of class - turn in the flower drawing and blame my absence on stomach issues or better yet "personal reasons."

Honestly, I'm not feeling so hot, so it's not much of a lie.  Just going about this morning has been tough, too many things remind me of Eric.  Even w hen I got to school this morning (before turning around) I received the text "do you know where stanley is" from Eric.  Stanley is a paper doll from his little brother.  He's been photographing it off and on in different setting for him.  Stanley is a perfect example of Eric's continual state of disrepair and carelessness.  From a bit of a distance it's endearing, but when you're around him 24/7 and you're not the neatest to begin with it becomes difficult.  Carrot juice stain on the carpet, wine stains on a scarf and comforter, etc.

At this point I don't think I could find anyone as good as him though, which is a tough concept to come to terms with.  If he's so good and sweet, why weren't we happy enough to compromise?  Surely, if I wasn't his first all-encompassing, no boundaries relationship, maybe then he would have been able to let me breath instead of suffocating me.  Yet, that is merely another "if" situation, and I really hate ifs.  Ifs are for people who can't move on, and find themselves in a perpetual state of melancholy consternation.  I don't want to dread and mope anymore, I want to move forward slowly, remembering everything.  The truth of the situation is this: timing isn't right for now.  

Seriously?

My Drawing in my back seat.

Spilled Coffee, fortunately I had a spare mug...

By the closed art store.

From Yesterday, when I was in the library with Brooke.

Following my disturbing dream/ nightmare, a successions of bad events have lead me back to my humble abode where I'm picking up my monkey bear for drawing class and drinking the coffee that leaked out of a faulty Brugger's cup.  Screw Drawing anyhow, this will be my first and last missed class for Drawing, so I refuse to feel guilty.  Instead I'm going to loiter around for at least a half an hour before going to class to turn in my flower drawing  homework... Yes!  Coffee's done...

disturbing dreams

Dear Lord, what a terrible dream!  I was hanging out with Mo and Chad, and Chad had something weird attached to his left wrist.  I smelled something, got up from the couch and started to freak out.  He wanted Mo to try Crystal Meth with him.  I fought like a dog to try and make her come to her senses, but to no avail.  So I locked myself in my room panicking.  Mo ended up barging in, so i tore through my window and she chased me (but Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon style).  Obviously I realized I was dreaming at this point, as I can't normally leap that high.  Regardless I was still telling Mo "I'm going to compile images and reports so you can understand how bad this is for you - it'll ruin your life," yet she just smiled saying "I'm going to do this again."

What the hell?

No more tequila before sleep, Mo was prob just in my dream because we talked for awhile before I went to sleep and the meth part was probably there because that stuff terrifies me... AHHHHHH!

Starting Off my New Blog

I considered continuing my "Through my eyes, summer in Pittsburgh" thing but didn't like the title (a bit too want to be pretentious) so I'm just making this one for my work and thoughts about it.  As I've been having a rough time sleeping lately (break-up withdraw symptom - a new and depressing condition), I've come to realize that by letting out my thoughts and displaying my images in a forum I will be practicing one of the best therapy methods.  From this point forward, I want to always find time to recollect dreams, experiences, and memories to help me work towards resolving certain challenging factors in my life (anything from insomnia to bleak and snowing Rochester Spring - seriously though - snow in April, what the hell?).

Even just writing these few resolutions makes me feel a bit lighter (but it could be the tequila and orange juice... I needed a little boost before finishing this jagged impressionistic flower drawing for class tomorrow morning... I know, no excuses...).

Anyhow, I'm just going to practice some stream of conscious Blah Blah Blah, and work shit out.  In the meanwhile though - Water and Sleep!

Will upload photos and more tomorrow dear Bloggy Blog.